" "Jack, my love," cried Mrs. . 176 “No, it’s very good. I’m not sure if Janine cared. . O God! O God!" And he appeared convulsed with agony. There are so many things I want to tell you, and they stand on such different levels, that the effect is necessarily confusing and discordant, and I find myself doubting if I am really giving you the thread of emotion that should run through all this letter. She was never able to trace the changes her attitude had undergone, from the time when she believed herself to be the pampered Queen of Fortune, the crown of a good man’s love (and secretly, but nobly, worshipping some one else), to the time when she realized she was in fact just a mannequin for her lover’s imagination, and that he cared no more for the realities of her being, for the things she felt and desired, for the passions and dreams that might move her, than a child cares for the sawdust in its doll. She was sick of herself, of her life, of everything but him; and for him all her masked and hidden being was crying out. She grounded me for three weeks! I couldn’t even talk on the phone! She still has issues with Missy. Spurlock (himself verging upon the hysterical) welcomed the diversion. My destiny, I am afraid, is going to lead me into the ruts.
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